No matter what good deeds you did, chances of good things that will happen on you is very low.
Should I become an evil, maybe the good things will fall upon me? Nah, I'm weak. I don't think I can do that. Actually I'm pretty proud of this trait, I enjoy helping my friends. When my friends are happy, so am I.

But I don't know why I feel that... someday this trait of mine will lead me to... ... some way that i will regret. .. And that shyness trait of mine.

Lately things are going worse and I cannot stop depressing myself. When I try to forget the current problems, there is always someone to remind me, which cause me to enter depression or bad mood again.

What does he want anyway? He never thought of my feelings, never ask me what I want and just decide everything for me? He said he "sold the apartment to support my study" but in fact he did only for himself. I'm sure of that, I've observed from the very beginning of this. We are like that now because of all shit he did. I blame myself but I will never stop blaming him.
I never ask for more. I'm still using my long-saved money to support myself and buy something I want. I didn't ask him for pocket money for half year, except for buying Jubee's.

I know If I talk about his bad traits, we'll lead into "very serious argument". I've tried, I just talked a little and we lead into argument, which had caused me bad moon + depression.

Whenever I ask him some money, I felt so awkward and guilty. What possibility could cause that? Maybe when I can find some money to support my family, I wouldn't feel that again.

  by fatenekki | 2008-02-16 15:28

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